2008

Jul

Jul 2nd
Listen Listen
My Muse contemplates an employment strategy.
Jul 1st
Was ‘Sideways’ successful enough to warrant a...
Jul 1st

Jun

When Overly Clever Product Names Attack.
Jun 29th
When the sound of a cartoon character singing...
Jun 27th
Killed. Me.
Jun 26th
:::wondering if there is a work-study program:::
Jun 26th

Chat Suck

me: it's an immutable law of the universe: Suck attracts suck.
Ruprecht : Well ... that and Mariah Carey induces vomiting .....
AsKatKnits: likes that thought process
me: it's an immutable law of the universe: Suck attracts suck.
Ruprecht : We have a majority, then .....
b_c: is confused. What happened to opposites attract? Or are these opposing suck-forces?
me: suck supercedes all. It attracts and repels. Mostly suck finds other suck and combines to form suck to the second power.
girlarsonist: says so does that mean if one has unethical (sucky) friends, one is also sucky?
JustJen: ESPECIALLY TODAY
me: there is some suck residue from an association with suck, yes. Second-hand suck, as it were.
citizenjaney: thinks that suck by association is the worst -- that suck residue never really goes away
b_c: thinks legislators should get ON this problem STAT, and hopes he can make like a remora on an anti-suck PAC aka shark.
b_c: oh wait, that would be "sucking" wouldn't it. Oops.
Me: throwing the government at a suck-remediation effort only would act as a suck accelerant.
b_c: *envisions formation of a super-massive black hole at certain centers of governmental excellence*
me: *envisions Department of Homeland Suck-urity*
Ribbonssays That's why some of us go to the sucky places. We are the cheerleaders of those in suck.
me: there are advantages to cheering for suck - sucking up, as it were. As long as you don't go for Full Metal Suckage.
Ribbons: says no, but I do wear a bullet proof vest when I go.
b_c: prefers to wear a bullet proof monk. Not the Tony Shaloub model though, cause he's just weird. More weird than me, even. Possibly.
me: says well, you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Lolagrrl: says Good one!
Ruprecht: says Frak, Jéfe! You've really started sumpin' here! I may just have to blog about this whole sucky Plurk entry ... !!!
me: says if it's one thing blog readers respond to, it's a full-on suck-a-roo.
Jun 26th
Jun 22nd
This product simultaneously repels and facinates me.
Jun 22nd
Does the world need patriotic snack crackers?
Jun 22nd
It’s Flapjack Friday in the office. With bacon of...
Jun 20th
Jun 15th
Jun 15th
My Muse knows how to rock a fez.
Jun 13th
It’s a special moment when you realize that you and a...
Jun 13th
Unless the terrorists attack our pepperoni and mushrooms....
Jun 13th
Monster gloves make Jeff pensive.
Jun 12th
Jun 5th
I know how you feel.
Jun 3rd
Warch Watch
Eat that, bitches. Even our ballboys are top flight.
Jun 2nd
Warch Watch
I got two words for you: Heartbreak and Kid.
Jun 2nd
Must. Get. One. Of. These.
Jun 2nd

May

Warch Watch
I thank you. My mother thanks you. And Duracel thanks you.
May 30th
“If Oprah farted, it probably would help people. People would...”
— Craig Ferguson
May 29th
My career, in seven convenient bullet...
May 29th
Warch Watch
Remember, babies get hungry, too.
May 29th
“‘Got unFollowed by someone who is Following over 1,000...”
— Wilburly on Twitter
May 29th
Warch Watch
So you think you’re a dork.
May 28th
Keef: The Keith Richards Lifestyle
May 27th
May 26th
Warch Watch
One man. Very strong.
May 24th
Warch Watch
New word: Memegasm.
May 24th
Get a room.
May 24th
Warch Watch
I don’t record. Do you see what I’m saying?
May 22nd
I think I just filled up my Pull-Ups.
May 22nd
We all have our secrets
May 22nd
Tat's the fact, Jack.
May 20th
Warch Watch
Hotter than poop.
May 15th
Warch Watch
Johnson & Mills Bean Lard Mulch. Now with Vitamin C!
May 15th
“Buddy Holly was born a week after John McCain. So not only...”
— Things Younger Than McCain
May 15th
Bitch took my fish.
May 14th
Warch Watch
I’m trying to think of something more messed up than watching an anteater eat Cheez Whiz from...
May 14th
Warch Watch
Back to you, fuckers.
May 14th
Ha, ha, ha. Eh.
May 14th
Warch Watch
I’m strangely aroused.
May 14th
Warch Watch
Fer crissakes, panda, use a Kleenex.
May 14th
“‘It is impossible for a white person to turn down the...”
— Stuff White People Like
May 14th
Al Roker's nipples. [Not really]
May 14th
Crotch rocket. [May be applied to previous...
May 14th
justsayjolie: This might explain why I still reek of cheap...
May 12th
Utopia. Dead ahead.
May 12th
Warch Watch
Treadmill kittens. Why, oh, why can’t they just shoot off the back of this thing into the...
May 12th
Warch Watch
Supporting my argument against excersize. Completely. Your witness…
May 11th
Warch Watch
If you can’t lick ‘em … well, you know.
May 9th
Warch Watch
That’s the way, uh huh, uh huh, Dom likes it.
May 9th
Best. Mascot. Video. Evah.
May 9th
Warch Watch
Duck vajayjays.
May 8th
“A liberal Jewish vegetarian with twin sons? You are an...”
— Kate, Out In Left Field
May 8th
I think I just submissively piddled laughing...
May 7th
This says everything for me right now.
May 7th
Warch Watch
I didn’t vote for Bush. I wasn’t even born yet.
May 6th
Warch Watch
Dialogue is highly overrated.
May 6th
Fart, blah. Fart fart fart.
May 6th
I have body image issues.
May 6th
Warch Watch
He’s right. It’s not funny. It’s hilllllllllarrrrrrrrrious.
May 6th
Read this. Now.
May 5th
Exactly.
May 5th
Warch Watch
I had the fish.
May 5th
Let the bells ring out! Shout halleluiah! Let...
May 2nd
Heh. Heh. Oh.
May 2nd
Hello neighbors!
May 2nd
Meow.
May 2nd
Warch Watch
Historians will note that this video was the most universally, globally gay moment ever. Right until...
May 2nd
Brown-Chicken-Brown-Cow
May 2nd
Warch Watch
I have a sudden urge to play Connect Four.
May 2nd
Once you've had lisp, you never go back.
May 1st
Warch Watch
If Tetris went to the circus, it might sound a little like this.
May 1st
Warch Watch
No one’s going to hurt my little man as long as I’m aroun-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow. Oh,...
May 1st
Me. On Gawker. What are the odds?
May 1st
Warch Watch
Patently unfair. And tremendously entertaining.
May 1st
“Instead of a mint on the pillow, you’ll could find a...”
— Richie Notar, partner in the...
May 1st
W.I.W.J.K.: What insect would Jesus kill?
May 1st

Apr

“Put these stylish bacon patterned Bacon Mats under the...”
— Archie McPhee catalog
Apr 30th
Tough to beat 22 years of experience.
Apr 30th
Warch Watch
Do not turn me into Friendster.
Apr 30th
Irony be thy name.
Apr 30th
Why, thank you.
Apr 30th
What the hell is in that cake, Owens-Corning...
Apr 30th
You know you want to open it.
Apr 30th
I falindrome I
Apr 30th
Warch Watch
Bartender, I’ll have what the girl in the middle is having.
Apr 30th
Warch Watch
Proving yet again why being an only child is a more preferable option.
Apr 30th
Covering the NightMoves Adult Entertainment Awards has...
Apr 29th
Warch Watch
‘We were just having that same conversation. That’s so weird.’
Apr 29th
Warch Watch
So close, so familiar.
Apr 29th
Warch Watch
“That’s so stupid looking, it’s great.” - Frank Gehry
Apr 29th
Warch Watch
I don’t like to be imitated. Ca-ca!
Apr 29th
Warch Watch
Dieting is like life. If I don’t bleed or cry, I’ll do it.
Apr 29th
Long-haired freaky people need not apply.
Apr 29th
Warch Watch
Think of it as “Darling Nikki” wth ennui.
Apr 28th
I still can't believe I ate here 381 days...
Apr 28th
Warch Watch
Band name: The Drunk Jugglers
Apr 28th
Suck it, Trekbek.
Apr 28th
Warch Watch
You’re supposed to spit it out, but … NO WAY JOSE!
Apr 28th
Wanted: She Has Jolie Long Arms
Apr 27th
For the 9 foot, 8 inch-tall flapper in your...
Apr 27th
Warch Watch
Soul rolls, not egg rolls, y’all.
Apr 27th
Everybody got they plate, but they ain't...
Apr 26th
The classics. They never go out of style.
Apr 25th
“When the 25-pound LawnBott was lifted off the ground, its...”
— Consumer Reports
Apr 25th
Warch Watch
The Freshmaker. Times 1,360.
Apr 25th
Jeffy’s a racist.
Apr 25th
“America is having a real problem with the apostrophe.”
— Jeff Deck of the Typo...
Apr 25th
Warch Watch
You may be a baby, Charlie, but you’re still a mean little sonofabitch.
Apr 24th
They’d still find us. They always do.
Apr 24th
Warch Watch
Sooner than you can say, “Poopty Peupty Pants-ss.”
Apr 24th
Dude, we shouldn't have done that acid. My...
Apr 24th
Warch Watch
Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage.
Apr 24th
“You’re only has good as your last haircut.”
—  Fran Lebowitz
Apr 24th
The world is flat. Pie is not.
Apr 23rd